Written by: Mehak Narula
Being a woman of colour already has many challenges, and mental health is one of them. Coming from an Indian immigrant household, mental health is something that isn’t talked about at all. The suppression of this conversation made me feel very confused with how to tackle my mental health, to the point where even when I was with my family, I felt alone.
Ever since I started high school, I became depressed. At that point of being a teenager, I didn’t even understand my own emotions or what depression was until I started researching and realizing that there’s a term for it. Every single ‘symptom’ was what I felt, and I felt so seen.
Unfortunately, things with my mental health started going downhill when I started talking about my mental health and my internal struggles to my parents – to the point where I felt so alone that I didn’t even want to come home some days. And I told them that. They began to tell me that what I’m feeling is just ‘hormones’ and part of ‘being a teenager’. Everything I was feeling, according to my parents, was ‘just a mood swing’.
It’s been 6 years since that conversation, and I remember it oh-so vividly. As you can tell, it wasn’t a mood swing. And because I didn’t get the proper support when I needed it, it felt like my depression got worse. Now, as a 21-year-old WOC in University, I have self-esteem issues, I’m afraid to open up, and I don’t know how to express my emotions properly because I’m afraid of what will be said to me.
This internal battle, I’m sure, is something that a lot of WOC face. Comparatively, my white peers are able to easily access resources once they realize something is wrong. For me, when I realized I needed therapy, it felt so taboo – to the point where I feel like I have to sneakily find a way to go to therapy without my parents finding out. It’s really hard to get the help I need when my parents won’t engage in mental health discourse.
Now that I’m in University and beginning to learn more about myself, I’ve realized that my mental health is valid. And therapy doesn’t necessarily need to be the be-all and end-all of changing the way you do things. Having exposure to clubs and mental-health initiatives allowed me to realize that change (no matter how drastic) comes from within – and best of all, it has reminded me that I’m not alone. Especially as a WOC.
I feel so seen.
QWOCC 