Written by: Sylvia Kathirkamanathan
Beauty standards are constantly evolving with the times but one thing remains true; they have never incorporated the ethnic traits or tones of women of colour. This fact impacts women of colour immensely regardless of age. Growing up, I got the most comments on two things; my hair and my skin tone. Apparently, my curls and darker complexion were not what was considered ideal and I was constantly being berated with comments on whether I sat in the sun too long, if I brushed my hair, if I had tried bleaching creams or, my personal favorite, if I’m simply dirty and have fair toned skin underneath all the dirt. And these comments are not exclusive to any group of people; I was hearing this from friends, teachers, family, and others. I remember when a relative of mine returned to Toronto after going on a trip to Sri Lanka with souvenirs and gifts for my siblings and me, which was mighty exciting. I recall the stomach-dropping feeling when she gave 10-year-old me bottles of skin bleach, which they sell in South Asian countries in stores the same way you’d find candy at the front of any convenience store. Of course, this type of mentality put me in a toxic cycle of never thinking that I was enough which carried over to my views on relationships. My complexion would never be fair enough, my hair will never be straight enough, my makeup would never be good enough. Relationship-wise, there is always this thought in the back of my mind that people either believed I was too dark or they were trying to live out some weird brown girl fetish. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a brown girl,” I would be giving Jeff Bezos a run for his money.
The only way to escape this self-hating pattern is to understand this question – who defines what is enough? Who wrote this list of dos and don’ts for women, especially women of colour, to abide by in order to conform to a Eurocentric society? Once you realize that you define what is enough for yourself and not others, life gets a hell of a lot easier. And of course, this is a lot easier to say than to do and is something I try to keep in mind throughout my day, but every day gets a little easier. I find that now that I am more accepting of my current self than past me was, I find traits I used to deem as ugly or unfitting to be things that make me unique. I may never look like your average Barbie doll, but I am unapologetically myself and proud of what I represent and put out into the world.
QWOCC 